The Very Secret Diaries of Hogwarts Students
by frodo's baby girl
Summary: The secret diaries of the students at Hogwarts. Thanks to Cassandra, you are my inspiration! Ron Weasley's diary is up! Please read and review! Hermione's diary up next. Sorry for the wait...
1. The Very Secret Diary of Draco Malfoy

A/N – Hope you enjoy these Diaries! Please read and review.  
  
The Very Secret Diary of Draco Malfoy  
  
Day 1  
  
Am on train back to Hogwarts. Crabbe and Goyle still stupid. Hair looking very good today. Slicked back. Have also grown a few inches over summer. Hopefully can be taller than Potter now and will have height advantage. GO ME!  
  
Day 2  
  
Saw Potter today. Unfortunately he has grown over the summer as well. DAMMIT!!! Now will not have height advantage. Although have Crabbe and Goyle to look after me. YAY!!!  
  
Day 3  
  
Started school today. Had double Potions today. Was fun although felt as if Snape was coming onto me. Will be extra careful around him. Will try not to look as good next time.  
  
Day 5  
  
Dumbledore came onto me today!! Go my charming looks and charisma!! Although am not sure if I want old man as my lover. Will tell him not interested.  
  
Day 7  
  
Dumbledore bashed me and gave me detention for the rest of the year. Stupid old man. Should have pretended I wanted him. Only good thing is Weasley has detention as well. Will be able to have fun victimising him.  
  
Day 8  
  
Had detention tonight. Am thinking it was a bit suss that Dumbledore made me massage his back and lick his toes. Weasley had to clean Dumbledore's toilet. HAHA!! Made fun of him by calling him Toilet Boy!! Am very proud of my fast acting wits!!! GO ME!!  
  
Day 11  
  
Hair looking v. good today. Am thinking I may grow it down to my waist!!  
  
Day 12  
  
Goyle told me I am a stupid git for wanting to grow my hair down to my waist. Shall reconsider.  
  
Day 13  
  
Have decided to keep my hair shoulder length as may reduce chances of getting split ends. GO ME!!  
  
Day 14  
  
Potter was mean to me today. Told me I was a fat git for being mean to Weasley. He shall suffer the wrath of Draco Malfoy!! (evil laugh) Or not.  
  
Day 16  
  
Had Quidditch practice today. Was really fun, fraternizing with the enemy (Potter) Was most pissed off when did not catch the Snitch. Will try harder next time. Go my determination and "never give up attitude!"  
  
Day 18  
  
Had Quidditch match today against Gryffindor. Missed the Snitch, again. Stupid Potter. Always gets his own way. Will have to come up with ingenious plan to stop Potter winning in further matches.  
  
Day 22  
  
1 day until Halloween. Am v. excited. Have thought of great idea for Halloween prank to play on Potter. Am planning on craftily swapping his hair shampoo for bleach! Although am not sure how I am going to actually get into the Gryffindor common room. Will have to stalk a Gryffindor.  
  
Day 23  
  
Yay! Halloween's today!!! Saw Potter at breakfast table looking v. smug. Am hoping he hasn't thought of his own Halloween prank to play on me. Decided to follow Granger up to the Gryffindor common room but unfortunately she noticed me, and asked what I was doing. Told her to go fuck herself, then ran off in other direction. Am v. peeved that I didn't get to pull my prank on Potter, will try again some other time.  
  
Day 24  
  
Stupid Potter. Found out today that he pulled the same prank on me. He swapped my luxury shampoo for bleach. Lucky I already have blonde hair and you cannot notice it. Stupid boy with glasses.  
  
Day 26  
  
Had detention tonight. Was fun although Dumbledore had dirty toenails, so did not enjoy licking his toes tonight. Weasley still cleaning Dumbledore's toilet. He was complaining about how dirty it was and how Dumbledore must have a weak bladder because there is always piss all over the floor.  
  
Day 29  
  
Had a great day today. Potter fell off his broom at Quidditch practice today. Had great time laughing at him until I fell off my own broom, from loss of balance. Have a broken arm and am in hospital wing. Potter is in the bed next to me. He has a broken leg, arm and jaw. He looks very funny!! Have been laughing myself silly. He has his leg strapped up and his head is all bandaged. He looks like an idiot.  
  
Day 31  
  
Am still in hospital. Am getting sick of listening to Potter's complaining. Is starting to drive me insane.  
  
Day 33  
  
Yay!! Am out of hospital!! GO ME!! Am going to enjoy day by terrorizing little first years. Should be fun, can practice my insults. GO ME!  
  
Day 34  
  
Potter out of hospital now. Will have to put up with pompous little twit again. Damn it! Weasley tried to stand up for Potter today so hexed him. He now has blue hair and red eyes!! GO ME!! My father will be so proud!  
  
Day 37  
  
Is nearly Christmas! Am so excited, keep wetting my pants when I think about it. Does get a little embarrassing at times. Will need to wear extra padded underwear.  
  
Day 42  
  
Yay! Today is Christmas!! Am so happy. Father sent me a new broom. Cannot wait to try it out. Bet Potter didn't get a new broom. Stupid family-less boy. Cannot wait to show it off in front of him.  
  
Day 43  
  
Showed Potter my new broom today. Nearly went and killed himself, he is so jealous. GO ME!!!  
  
Day 45  
  
Had my last detention tonight. YAY!! Will not have to lick Dumbledore's toes anymore, which is good because am getting sick of taste. Weasley had to scrub Dumbledore's back tonight, was so funny. Was calling him "back scrubber boy." He kept scowling at me, did not enjoy that because it hurts my feelings. 


	2. The Very Secret Diary of Harry Potter

A/N This is the second diary. Had a bit of writer's block but I will try to make the next one funnier. Anyway, hope you enjoy and please review!!  
  
The Very Secret Diary of Harry Potter  
  
Day 1  
  
Am spending summer holiday with stupid Dursley's as usual. Dudley so fat and stupid. He sat on me today and farted, stupid fat boy. Had to have three baths to get rid of smell. YUKKY!!  
  
Day 2  
  
Uncle Vernon whipped me today, just because I smudged his new suit when I breathed. I somehow think there is something wrong with that, but Uncle Vernon is "always right." How can someone smudge something when they breathe? Anyway...am waiting for letters from my friends, hope they arrive soon!!! YAY, am so excited.  
  
Day 5  
  
No letters from friends yet. Am very sad. Am thinking they don't like me anymore. So sad. Dudley keeps saying mean things to me. Wish I could confide in someone, oh well, since I have no friends anymore I will confide in my diary. YAY, thank goodness for diaries!!  
  
Day 8  
  
Is my birthday tomorrow. Am so excited!! YAY! Cannot wait. Hope I get lots of pressies!! Well I better...  
  
Day 9  
  
Yay!! My birthday today!! Am so excited. Even though I got no presents I still had a great day in my room by myself. Hedwig bit me on the ear and made it bleed. Stupid bird, so I flushed her head in the toilet. She scratched at my eye, but it was worth the thrill!!  
  
Day 13  
  
Got my pressies from Ron and Hermione today. Stupid friends, don't they realize they are only four days late?! Was very angry so did not open them but threw them out the window, so that passing cars could run over them. Although am sure one of the presents was alive because I could hear, moaning coming from the road, until a truck came and well...yeah.  
  
Day 15  
  
Am going back to Hogwarts in three days!! YAY, am so excited.  
  
Day 18  
  
Am going back to Hogwarts today! YAY!! Will be able to see Ron and Hermione again and get angry at them for sending me shit presents.  
  
Day 19  
  
Saw Ron and Hermione today. They are dating now. Was pissed they didn't tell me before hand so as not to embarrass myself when I went to pash Hermione. Have a black eye from Ron, stupid jealous boy.  
  
Day 20  
  
Saw Malfoy today. YAY, I have grown over the holidays and still have my height advantage. GO ME!!!  
  
Day 22  
  
Malfoy performed Cruacius curse on me today. Did not enjoy. It really hurt. Stupid blonde.  
  
Day 23  
  
Told Malfoy a blonde joke today. I thought it was really funny, unfortunately he didn't and cursed me. I now had green horns sticking out of my head.  
  
Day 25  
  
Horns been removed. YAY!! Played Quidditch against Hufflepuff today. Obviously I caught the snitch. What else would you expect? Stupid Hufflepuffs, don't have a decent sized brain between them.  
  
Day 27  
  
Snape bit me today. Stupid Snape. It really hurt, I now have teeth marks on my arm. I slapped him on the face so he gave me detention.  
  
Day 28  
  
Had detention today. Yay, not. Snape made me lick his bathroom floor clean. Was not enjoyable because floor REALLY dirty. Was yukky. Malfoy laughed at me, and called me "toilet floor licking boy." Really hurt my feelings. Will pay him back (evil laugh)  
  
Day 29  
  
Got Malfoy back today. Started calling his "Daddy dearest's little ferret face." He was not amused. He cursed me again and I now have four foot long teeth at the front. Made it really hard to eat lunch. Must go and see Madam Pomfrey, to get fixed up.  
  
Day 32  
  
Teeth fixed now, YAY!! Crabbe and Goyle so stupid. They tried to kill me, don't they realize I'm Harry Potter? Stupid fat dickheads. Go the "boy who lived"!!!  
  
Day 35  
  
Dumbledore so old and yukky, he is so wrinkly and smells funny.  
  
Day 34  
  
Yay, Christmas is tomorrow!! Am so excited, although do not wet my pants like Malfoy does. I keep getting goosebumps whenever I think about it. Hopefully I will get better pressies than I did on my birthday.  
  
Day 35  
  
YAY! Is Christmas today. Am so excited. Will be able to give Ron and Hermione their pressies today. Ron gave me a red pencil and Hermione gave me a blow job. Hopefully Ron does not find out. I also got a maroon jumper from Mrs. Weasley and a jar full of toffee. Hate toffee, but must be gracious. Hagrid gave me a rubber balloon although when I went to blow it up it went all long and had a little knobbly bit at the end. Then it burst. Was strange, but that's Hagrid.  
  
Day 36  
  
Am enjoying my Christmas break, no school work. YAY!! GO CHRISTMAS! Malfoy got a new broomstick, stupid spoilt brat. Is not fair, coz now he has a better broom than me and will have an advantage over me in Quidditch.  
  
Day 38  
  
Played Quidditch again today against Slytherin. Am so happy coz even though Malfoy has a better broom than I still beat him. GO ME!! Am so proud of my Quidditch playing genes.  
  
Day 40  
  
Walked in on Hermione and Ron "playing" in Ron's bed. Was not a nice sight. Threw up all over the floor then ran out. Ron called me back but I didn't want to see his cock hanging out of his pants, so ignored him.  
  
Day 41  
  
Is feeling really awkward between Ron and me. Keep blushing whenever I look at him. Is really embarrassing. Hermione keeps telling Ron off for not locking the door.  
  
Day 42  
  
Am going back to the Dursley's tomorrow. Nooooo.... I don't wanna!! I wish I could go with Ron and Hermione to Hawaii but they won't let me. They don't want to risk anything else like what happened the other night, with me walking in on them.  
  
Day 43  
  
Am on the Hogwarts Express. Ron and Hermione keep sneaking out and returning all flustered, with tousled hair. So jealous, wish I had someone to fuck. Not fair. Even Dudley's not a virgin anymore and that's a miracle in itself.  
  
Day 45  
  
Am back in my room in Privet Drive. So bored. Heard bumping noises coming from Dudley's room last night. Was funny. I peaked through the door and watched. To my surprise it was a boy in bed with him. Was really interesting watching them try to root each other. They couldn't figure where the penis was meant to go. Tried hard not to giggle. But didn't try hard enough because I got caught, by Uncle Vernon. He kicked me down the stairs and walked into Dudley's room. Was extremely funny watching him as he got carried away by the ambulance people. They told me he had a heart attack. Stupid fat man.  
  
Day 46  
  
Cannot wait to go back to Hogwarts. 


	3. The Very Secret Diary of Ron Weasley

A/N – Hi guys!! I hope you enjoy Ron's diary!!  
  
The Very Secret Diary of Ron Weasley  
  
Day 1  
  
Am on summer holidays at the Burrow. It's so disgusting here, I wish we had money so we could buy a good house, without the insect infestation. Fred and George really annoying. Keep telling me to look out the window at the UFO that keeps flying past but I miss it every time. Stupid slow reflexes. They keep laughing whenever I look. Don't know why, I didn't think UFOs were that funny.  
  
Day 2  
  
Mum made me clean the bathroom today. Does she not realize that I get enough of that at school? Stupid detention. Stupid parents, never let me do what I want.  
  
Day 3  
  
Cursed mum today. She was pissing me off so I put the Cruacius curse on her. Got in trouble with my dad though. Stupid dad. He belted me till my bum was red and roar. Owie!!!  
  
Day 6  
  
Am going back to Hogwarts in two days. Am so excited. Get to see Harry and Hermione again!! YAY!!! But I don't wanna see Malfoy again, coz he's a meanie. He bullies me about my family. Stupid blonde boy, who slicks his hair back.  
  
Day 7  
  
Yay I go back to school tomorrow. Mummy made a yummy baked hippogriff last night. Was very enjoyable. Although she didn't make enough gravy so there was not enough left for me after Fred and George had helped themselves. Stupid fat pigs. I had to have tomato sauce instead, did not compliment the delicate array of aromatic flavours though. Was thoroughly pissed off. Mummy made a chocolate pudding for dessert, was very yummy. I got my fair share of that which was good. Fred and George too full to eat any coz they ate so much GRAVY!!!!! No fair!! Oh well, more choccy pudding for me!! Yay!!  
  
Day 8  
  
Am on the train back to school! YAY, Harry so good looking these days. Hermione...well...yeah, she's really smart and has big boobies!! YAY! Fun to play with! Hehe. Although all the boys think that and so I do not get them all to myself even though I'm her BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!! Anyway...Hermione so sexy! Although I am starting to find Harry strangely attractive, but I must keep telling myself that boys as lovers is yukky and Malfoy will be meaner to me if he finds out I am sucking Harry's cock. Must keep my emotions in check. Am writing that on the back of my hand right now so that I will remember.  
  
Day 9  
  
Harry asked me why I had written "remember to keep your emotions in check" on the back of my hand. Could not think of smart, witty reply so I settled with – "Look there's a UFO!" while pointing out the window. Harry looked, and was so upset he missed the UFO that he forgot to keep annoying me about the message on my hand!! GO ME!!! I am so smart. Maybe being Hermione's boyfriend is making me smarter!!! YAY!!  
  
Day 11  
  
Malfoy pissed on me today. Was not pleasant. Now I smell like wee wee and cannot seen to get rid of the hideous smell. Was interested to see the sudden attraction between me and Harry after Malfoy did this inhumane act of disgustingness. As soon as I managed to escape Malfoy's grasp I skipped up to Harry and as soon as Harry saw me he looked all happy and he kept getting really close to me. Am thinking he might have a queer streak in him after all. YAY!! Will keep an eye on that.  
  
Day 12  
  
I managed to get rid of the smell of Malfoy's wee wee!! YAY!! GO ME! Go my useful bar of Dove extra soft soap! Although am interested to notice that Harry's attraction to me has disappeared. Harry asked me why I wasn't wearing my nice aftershave today, had to fess up that it wasn't aftershave I was wearing yesterday but it was Malfoy's urine. He seemed really embarrassed, and went trotting down some corridor to hide from the embarrassment.  
  
Day 13  
  
Harry did not come back to the common room til this morning. I asked him why and he blushed the colour of my hair. He mumbled something about Slytherin, being hungry for sex and Draco Malfoy. Am confused. What do those three things have in common??? Think Malfoy pissed on him coz he smell like Draco. Yukky.  
  
Day 14  
  
Hermione gave me great pleasure last night. Was very thrilling until Neville walked in on us and climbed into the same bed. Was slightly uncomfortable having my naked body rubbing against Neville. But Hermione seemed to enjoy it. When Seamus came to join in, I had had enough. It was getting a bit too crowded in my small bed. So Hermione climbed into Seamus's bed and gave him a wild ride. Was a bit upset that she was not faithful to me. Went off to try and find Harry. Could not find him so I ate myself into oblivion with lots of chocolate froggies. Mmmm choccy frogs.  
  
Day 15  
  
Think I have gained weight, can feel extra rolls on my stomach when I sit down. Must go and play with Harry's broom. (Quidditch that is)  
  
Day 25  
  
Have lost unsightly rolls of fat on my stomach. YAY!! Go me! Had detention with Malfoy tonight. He kept calling me Toilet Boy, because I had to lick Dumbledore's bathroom floor. Stupid (surprising attractive) blond boy. Damn this gayness of mine.  
  
Day 30  
  
Failed all my exams for this term. Mum will kill me when she finds out. So I put a memory charm on everyone so that they cannot tell her. YAY! Am I smart or what?  
  
Day 34  
  
Yay Christmas is tomorrow!!! I hope I get lots of exciting pressies!! I want to get an international standard broom like Harry's got, so that I can impress him with my moves.  
  
Day 35  
  
Am v. disappointed. Only got one present. It was a book from Hermione about sex moves. It was called the "Karma Sutra" Kinda boring really. Wish I could have got some chocolate body paint so that I could paint Harry then lick it all off. But no! I get the fucking "Karma Sutra!!" I'll kill Hermione! What kind of girlfriend gets her boyfriend a book like that? If you do, tell me where and I'll curse them!!  
  
Day 36  
  
Saw Harry and Hermione come out of the toilets together. They were looking very nervous when I looked at them. Harry kept stroking his fly. Interrogated Hermione until she told me she gave Harry a head job. Am relieved. At least she didn't give Harry a better present than she gave me. I gave Harry a red pencil. He didn't seem too pleased with it though. What did he expect? A head job from me?!?!?!? Wait a second...that's a pretty good idea!!  
  
Day 40  
  
Harry walked in on me and Hermione trying out the Karma Sutra, was a bit embarrassing. I tried to talk to him but he seemed very distant. Realise now that it was probably because I still had my penis hanging out of my pants.  
  
Day 41  
  
Is v. awkward between me and Harry. I wish he had the same "gay" tendencies as I do. We could try out the Karma Sutra together. Would be v. fun!!! Hermione keeps slapping me and telling me off for not locking the bedroom door. Does she not know that the door doesn't have a lock? Idiot.  
  
Day 43  
  
Yay!! Hermione and I are going to Hawaii! It was all her idea. I'd rather go with Harry, but anyway, should be a fun holiday!! Harry's all sad about us leaving him, keeps bursting out in fits of tears. Good excuse to give him a good cuddle!!! Hehe!!!  
  
Day 45  
  
Am on the Hogwarts Express. Hermione keeps making me go and fuck her in the corridors. Am getting v. sick of it. My dick hurts. Harry seems V. pissed off. Maybe it's coz I have a fuck partner and I'm going to Hawaii!! YAY! Am V. excited. I think he's upset coz he has to go back to his aunt and uncle's house. HAHA!! I mean...I feel really sorry for him. Have promised that I will send him lots of cards and pressies, although will probably not have enough money, dammit. 


End file.
